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Monthly Archives: September 2010

Never in my life has a small word meant so much to me in such a small amount of time.  And never in my life has one little word been so overwhelming and scary…while at the same time fulfilling and infinite. I can’t even explain it.  I just know for now it is what I need.

Work has become intolerable, literally. I have to keep myself from walking out on daily basis.  Everything I can do to get out of that black hole is being done.  It is code red time…I have reached my limit and I am smart enough emotionally to know when something or someone is breaking me…I can not allow it.

Uncalled for and unfair

The week of my birthday was iffy at best due to stressful situations and unfair actions by my ex…but yesterday night, the night I celebrated with my boyfriend was amazing!  He had us picked up in a 2010 limo and took me and a few friends out to some clubs.  I had to best time and adored him for all his work.  Apparently when we got back to my apartment I was a lil drunk and he completely took care of me…I mean completely.  He is wonderful and unlike anything I am used too…hard to process sometimes.  My BPD symptoms rarely show and I am so happy I think my Dr and i may may decrease my meds, seems my last relationship was causing so much negativity that the BPD swelled.  I felt bad yesterday b/c a lot of my so called “friends” that were meant to go and said they were going bailed at the last minute, but he said he would have got the limo regardless.  Them bailing really really hurt my feelings but fuck them,  guess it shows who your true friends are.  Family or otherwise.  It’s cool, he made it perfect and today has been a great day of relaxing with him and just enjoying each other after a week of being apart while I was in FL.  Back to the grind tomorrow with work…I heard back from another job and didn’t get it….I am really worried.

Yay!   I am off for family vacation in a few hours and as much as I will miss him I am looking forward to seeing my family and especially my brother.  Florida is my safety zone, no stress or bullshit allowed.  Turning work phone off and not bringing it with me.  Just sun and relaxation.  And of course lots of texts and pic texts to keep in touch.  Bye everyone….be back in a week.   🙂

Even though so many things in my life are crazy or unsure right now…one thing is clear and it is that I am happy….and there is a reason behind my happiness and I thank them.