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Monthly Archives: April 2010

Shitty afternoon….fun night….akward,  no sex cause i had to bring it up again and can’t have sex when i have to push for it…ruins my mood… of those up and down days for us.  Overall though, a good day.  Could have done without the afternoon crap though…sure we both could have.  🙂


My baby is sick 😦    So no sex for me…still.   But I understand.  

Also, this Risperdal is no joke!!!!!  Knocking me out at night!  I think I actually wet the bed a little last night b/c I didn’t realize I was still in bed and not in the bathroom.  Crazy!!!!

Is possible to have been reading a book when the binding is not affected at all?  Just hope people I love keep their word b/c trust is a big issue and I work on it everyday.  Just don’t see why it is taking so long and we don’t discuss the contents if it is being read.  Just confused. No sex, but ok with it I guess….we still had a good night  🙂

First night on Risperdal….let’s see what happens

So insurance companies SUCK!   They wont approve the Seroquel, so now I have to take crappy Resperdal which a lot of my clients are on and I know the side effects.  My Psch. says to give it a try and if it doesn’t work then the insurance company will have no choice but to approve Seroquel.  Ridiculous!  Anyone out there on Resperdal?  I am afraid of being restless like the last medication they had me on… many I am confused.   Cried today at work was just so emotionally overwhelmed but I have got myself together.  Just want to feel better and all this switching meds and therapy sessions are breaking the bank and I have literally like $5 in my account at any time.  Damn wouldn’t it be nice if insurance companies cared about people and not money.  Yeah right!  Ok, well hopefully tonight at home is better, can’t take much more today.  Been a while with sex, but not even sure i am even in the mood….just blah.  Ok, at work so I guess I should find something to do.  Thanks for listening.

All night of no talking and I am giving up my passion and deciding to spend my life this forever?  A life full of in capabilities to have adult conversations and I can’t have what makes me happiest in the world.  i don’t think I should question this so much… but I love him when we are having a good day

From work where I get nothing but positivity, appreciation, compliments, and calmness….to home where I get cursing, no appreciation for my progress, few compliments and nothing but stress and no calm.    Aren’t things supposed to be the other way around?  maybe a problem here that i would rather be at work right now than sitting here being ignored after fighting.  I just don’t like it when people do not keep their word or ask a question they don’t really wanna know the answer to.  If you don’t wanna know…dont ask.  Isn’t that your favorite saying baby????  Applies to you to.  And don’t tell me how i will react b/c you erasing any progress I have made.  I was not going to react the way you though, I was trying to calm down, as instructed by therapist and you pushed the buttons we are not supposed to push.  So now my past few Good days are simply a memory…back to real life.  Like I said maybe others have to be around for him to be pleasant. And obviously the hole in my heart is being ignored.

I am not sure why little things I ask that make me happy and calm are so difficult.  I understand not texting and driving but one text BEFORE you leave to say I love you I’m headed home….kinda like I do every day….doesn’t seem too much for me to ask.  Would just like to hear from ya, not sure why I get penalized for that.  Never used to be a problem…of course neither did me texts being missed because of silent phone….God forbid something happens to me considering you are my In Case of Emergency….guess I’m on my own.  Just seems like little things that both make sense and are simple.  Whatever, I’ll go along with whatever…not letting this getting pissed anymore.  Obviously my opinion is out the window anyway so why waste the energy worrying about it anymore.

So we went to WEE Raw last night and it was friggin fabulous!!!!  Had so much fun….only one moment when I was disappointed in fiancee’ but one is better than we used to be.  The experience was great and other some crowd panicking I had the best time and was happy the whole time.  I love good days 🙂


No help again…looks like I am in it for the long haul…not talking about BPD this time.

Today was a good day.