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As soon as I write a raving review of my progress last night it gets shot back down again by fiancée and a thoughtless sarcastic comment.  Apology made, but damage done.  Then he shut down as usual and decided he just wont speak anymore.  So yet another thing we can’t speak about.  So we will have a  marriage of silence and no sex…sounds promising.  The comment made was assuming I wouldn’t want to go to a college function b/c I never want to do anything that involves his college friends….a statement with no proof.  I have been seeing his friends on a weekly basis and enjoying myself as well as trying very hard to act “normal”.  I thought he was proud and it hurts more than anything to know he is not.  I don’t  know how I am supposed to move forward when it is not as important to him and he does not take it as seriously as I do.  Once again I am crushed right now b/c the comment was not merited and that’s what hurts so much.  I have been doing everything and still comments are made.  I don’t know what I a supposed to do???  I can’t change who I am, I can’t turn into his perfect woman just like he can’t turn into my perfect man.  We are supposed to love each other and accept each other as we are.  I was in such a agood mood earlier, as I am sure you could tell by my post, and now…empty and crying. Maybe we as a couple just can’t handle this.  Maybe it’s too much.  Maybe i am meant to deal with this on my own so as not to affect others negatively or make them try harder than they are used to.  Just feel alone when it comes to this damn disorder and I want so badly someone to talk to….hard to handle alone and hard to make it day by day when you know you are all alone when it comes to the hardest thing I have ever faced in my life.


One Comment

  1. I have BPD and your story sounds alot like mine. A lot of similarities and I think that I can really relate. I just wish there was more people out there that understand what it is like to go though something like this.

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